Satire: High Fructose Corn Syrup, How to Make it and Why You Want It

Satire: High Fructose Corn Syrup, How to Make it and Why You Want It

Natural Society

High fructose corn syrup is a sweetener used in a wide variety of products on the market today. The prominent usage of high fructose corn syrups as a form of sugar has undoubtedly increased its demand levels across the country. Rather than pay for it, wouldn’t you like to know how to manufacture your own?

High Fructose Corn Syrup | The Healthy Sugar that Sticks

The first thing you will need is corn. As the name suggests, high fructose corn syrup is derived from corn starch. Corn, being one of the most genetically modified and subsidized crops today, is recognized as a major health benefit with an almost innumerable amount of beneficial effects on the body. You can either buy the corn grown, or grow it yourself with terminator gene seeds. Just make sure to buy more if you plan on growing more!

After attaining the corn, you will need to mill it. Then, simply separate the corn starch from the kernels. This is usually done in a process involving sodium hydroxide, also known as caustic soda or lye.

Most forms of lye are made using the mercury cell process. In this process, large pools of mercury are combined with other tested and safe materials in a large chemical vat. The resultant lye is used to separate corn starch from the kernels. This means that your high fructose corn syrup will have residual amounts of mercury, a known health elixir, should you use the proper form of lye for separation.

Once the corn is milled, you need to cook and process it even more, until it becomes corn syrup. From there, ‘natural’ enzymes are used to convert the glucose in the corn syrup into fructose, which is the healthiest form of sugar.

Your finished product will be high fructose corn syrup similar to that found in all manner of products today! But rather than making it yourself, it would be much easier and cheaper to simply buy it.

Written to be a satire piece, this article attempts to educate about the significant health damage associated with high fructose corn syrup through humor.