The “Perfect” Man According to Men – and Women
What really makes people attractive? Some people say its predetermined and you cant choose who you like. Some say facial symmetry, or pheromones subconsciously bring people together. Sometimes, somebody is just inexplicably pleasing to the eyes, almost like nature automatically decided it. Some people say attitude, personality, and individuality are what make a person the most appealing. Or maybe you need to be extremely muscular or fit?
In the modern world, there is not always a clear template of attractiveness, and masculinity or femininity can be subtly suggested or completely hijacked with the subtle programming of pop culture. Its human nature to compare oneself to those around them, but this can easily be unhealthy, and unrealistic in a society full of Photoshopping.
A recent study asked both UK men and women which features they thought were most attractive for males. Results had men selecting a “pretty boy” looking configuration complete with a Justin Bieber hairstyle and a muscular physique. Interestingly, the women picked a more average type man, complete with no big muscles, some chest hair, and even a little flab.
Left: What men think women want. | Right: What women want, according to the study.
The study suggests that men, at least in the UK have some sort of peripheral insecurity about their body image, and may feel the need to “measure up” to somebody famous, or even just someone ‘better looking’ than they are. Meanwhile, the women more or less don’t have superstar expectations for their ideal mate, and would be fine with a more or less normal-looking man.
During their lifetime, most men cultivate an idealized view of who they want to be based on their own personal heroes, their life experiences, and what the media portrays as cool. Sometimes this “idyllic man” can lose his innocence in the face of trendiness or the suggestive themes in pop music, movies, sports, or television. Sometimes we can take on more twisted reflection of themselves, one woefully out of touch with reality, as we try to be something we aren’t. (Needless to say, women face the same hardships.)
If you want to copy somebody’s style, or improve your body or self image, make sure you’re doing it for a good reason. Most people who are preoccupied with trying to appear cool can lack substance, and might appear like someone who can’t think for themselves.
People who set goals for themselves and actively try to push and improve themselves often find satisfaction in themselves independent of what somebody else tells them. These individuals protect the essence of their inner man, and reinforce their personal validity in the positive actions they take each day.
Why does it seem the women aren’t as preoccupied with the idealized view of a man as men are? The reality is that most women realize what they need in a mate is for a man to just be a that man. Somebody who retains their dignity, can think for themselves, who can forge their own destiny, and come up big when it counts.
Guys, gals – what do you think of this? Share your thoughts below.
My wife reckons that most women would choose the way they did because no woman wants a guy who’s better looking than she is. Go figure?
I want a man better looking than me, but I’ve been called shallow.
Not shallow at all. Physical attraction is just as important as other qualities. And we all get worse as we age. I’ve been encouraged so many times to “settle” for someone who may’ve fit many of the personality/value traits I desire- but I’d always say “If I don’t find her hot now, imagine when she’s 45?!”. When I was younger, I’d look at the mothers of dates, and think “Do I want to be married to that 20 years from now?”- It was like a dose of salt-peter! This one girl I know, who had been my standard of beauty for more than half my life; but whom I could never have….after about age 35, she started going downhill FAST- By 39, she was a hideous cow- even her face lost it’s gorgeousness.
Never settle- always strive for that which truly satisfies you, because it’s only going to get worse down the road….
100% accurate post… women aren’t all about looks
True, true. Deep pockets and a strong investment portfolio are important as well.
Yep.
Or women say one thing but choose another.
Now let’s see the infographic about which type of portfolio women prefer.
Studies and articles like this are stupid! Do men spend their lives trying to make themselves into what they think women want them to be? Do all women want the same traits and features in a man? How about: Just be yourself, and do what appeals to YOU, and maybe you’ll find someone who is attracted to you/loves you for who you truly are; instead of artificially trying to conform to someone else’s desires? (In which case, you are not being truly you- and the person they are being attracted to/love is a lie; and you will never be happy, because at some point you will stop living that lie and stop trying to please others; and they will never be happy; and will say that you changed, when you stop living the lie!)
It’s just like when women make themselves into stick-figures, thinking that’s what men want. It’s not what I want!
Yes, this is our great hope. If we could get what we want and need by “being ourselves,” we would. But when you get tired of not getting what you want and need, you can, of course, remain tired of not getting what you want and need or you can try to make the changes that will hopefully get you what you want and need. The spiritual masters all preach the virtue of non-attachment to outcome, and they’re right to say that this is ultimately the goal. But few people are capable of reaching those spiritual heights without years of struggle toward the goal of transcendence. Which is only to say that the advice to “be yourself,” while ideal and well-meant, can be a dodge delivered with a sigh of resignation that’s gradually losing hope.
It’s biological. There have numerous studies that show women prefer a certain look in a male when they are menstruating. The man who looks more physically fit, in theory, would result in more fit offspring. But because of our well developed brains, females find males with similar facial features as the one in this article (right) to be better suited for raising offspring.
I knew when I first saw this it was fake……they’re both dressed in whitey-tighties…
Dumb study. Of course the women will feel the need to be good egalitarians by choosing the flabby belly when asked about the PERFECT MAN parts. How about showing them pictures of men and seeing who they choose? Then it’s completely different.
When women get to rate real-life men, they rate the tallest men higher. And men without glasses, and men with good hair, etc. But when ASKED about each factor, of course they’ll say “I don’t care about looks!”
Alpha male vs. beta male:
For their mate, meaning the shoulder to cry on, the breadwinner (at least in part), as reliable father figure, yeah, they’ll pick as this study has them doing.
But as the real FATHER of their offspring, and the romp-in-the-hay, they’ll chose the Bieber mock-up.
This is the biological basis of the comments below pointing out the don’t ask them, rather see what they do.
There’s a reason why the dupe-dad rate (the dad nurturing the cuckoo’s egg) is so high in the west, where birth control is pretty ubiquitous among most women.
ironic that the UK has one of the highest rates, with estimates of >1 in 10 kids not having the daddy who think’s is their dad.
No, I’d say the survey is wrong. I’d prefer the “perfect” guy; now give him a good sense of humor and a soul and he really would be perfect.
women like fat guys ?
Left- the man your hormones want to have sex with. Right- the man you want to raise your kids.
Someone said to me the other day: “Why do you suppose married people live longer?”
My answer: “Spite”.
…competition for life insurance settlements…
Heh, yeah…. But that’s no joke. I have a friend whose first wife tried to have him bumped off for the insurance. Either the hit-man was incompetent, or my friend is really tough, though- ’cause he pulled through despite being shot in the stomach at near point-blank range.
This is nothing new….I saw the same kind of study, depicting the perfect woman, and the results were very similar…….except for the lack of a strip of duct tape over the mouth…
The “average” guy has two characteristics that are very important to me: a big smile (means he’s open & friendly?) and enough flesh to be warm and cuddly. Warm & cuddly more important than “cool.”
I think we are drawn to a level of attractiveness that is about equal to our own. Of course women like the idea of a beautiful man, but in reality most women are not actually attracted to a perfect 10 because he might be — shall I dare say it — out of her league. It works both ways. If I dated a guy who was much more attractive than me, I would feel insecure.
uhhhhh…no woman would choose the man on the right over the man in the left.