Drug Deficiencies Officially a Worldwide Issue (Satire)

Drug Deficiencies Officially a Worldwide Issue (Satire)
General Health

There is no longer any dispute as to whether drugs are a necessity for the body or not. A new study conducted by the Institute for Decoding the Intermolecular Organism of Transitional Structures (I.D.I.O.T.S.) , a sister company of M.O.R.O.N.S., officially declares that there is a worldwide pandemic, if you will, of drug deficiencies. Does this mean that the answer to all of your medical problems could be mended with the simple pop of a pill? You bet. It seems that this drug deficiency issue leads to virtually any and every health problem. Could this discovery be too good to be true?

Pop A Pill, Cure Your Illness

This new study took 1,000 people who had to drink soda and any fast-food meal of their choice, until they got a headache. The subjects were then given 1-3 aspirins to see if their headache diminished due to the aspirin consumption. Success! The study resulted in 85% of the subjects reporting a partial to complete decline in the degree of pain or discomfort from the headache. It turns out that the dangerous, toxic chemicals in the soda and fast-food had absolutely nothing to do with the initiation of the headache. What actually disallowed the headache to recede was the absence of aspirin.

Headaches aren’t the only thing that result from drug deficiencies. High blood pressure, high cholesterol, stomach aches, bad skin, arthritis, and even short, thin eyelashes are all issues due to lack of drugs. Overweight? Pop a pill. Tired? Pop a pill. Can’t see? Pop a pill.

It seems that healthy food, vitamins, nutrients, pure water, and exercise have absolutely no place in improving overall health. In addition, harmful substances such as MSG, artificial sweeteners (Splenda), fluoride, hydrogenated oils, aspartame and drugs have NO negative relation to the problems we face everyday. Exercise will even soon be obsolete due to this new discovery from the study. The tip of the iceberg we know as the seldom seen truth about drugs is being hidden once again. With this new study being announced, there is no questions as to whether issues are caused by drugs or lack of drugs.

Reality Check

Our society is getting closer and closer to the notion of “drugs-cure-all”, and it isn’t pretty. You don’t have a headache because you have an aspirin deficiency, and you don’t have arthritis because you have a rofecoxib(active ingredient found in Vioxx) deficiency. You aren’t fat because you’re not taking pills, and you don’t have AWFUL short, thin eyelashes because you aren’t taking a pills. The fact of the matter is, if you started eating healthy and organic, you’d find that many of your problems will vanish–even weight.

Don’t give in to the deceiving commercials that speed up 5x once they get to the negative side effects. Drugs will not heal your body–your body will heal itself. You just have to help yourself by omitting the negative and taking in the positive. Eat organic, exercise, drink pure water, and avoid drugs as much as possible. Find a solution.